The morning begins quietly, with a cup of coffee, a review of my day’s schedule, and a deep breath. As a pet loss companion, each day is different, yet every day is bound by a shared thread of deep emotional connection and the profound grief that accompanies the loss of a beloved pet. Today, I prepare to meet Emily, who recently lost her cherished Labrador, Max. I know this will be a difficult session; the bond between Emily and Max was incredibly strong, and she is struggling to navigate a world without him.
The time arrives for our Zoom call. Immediately when she joins the session, I’m met with a wave of emotions that hang in the air even over the technology airwaves. The absence of Max is palpable. Emily greets me with a faint smile, her eyes still carrying the heaviness of her grief. We sit together in the space of the computer screen, and I let her speak, allowing the silence to be filled with her memories, tears, and the bittersweet stories of Max’s life.
Walking beside Emily in this journey of grief means creating a space where she feels heard and validated. Pet loss is often a type of disenfranchised grief—a grief that society doesn’t always fully recognize. For a loving pet parent, losing a pet can be as painful as losing a human loved one, however there is sometimes less understanding and support from others. Emily expresses her frustration at how some friends have told her to “move on” or “just get another dog.” These comments dismiss the depth of her loss, leaving her feeling even more isolated in her grief.
As her pet loss companion, I remind her that her feelings are valid. We talk about how Max was more than a pet; he was family, a confidant, and a source of unconditional love. In this moment, my role is to walk with her, not to rush her through her pain, but to support her as she processes it. My role is to give her permission for anything and everything her heart is telling her to feel. I also gently remind her to get her head out of the way… goodness me, so often that darn head gets in the way and believes “it” knows best when it comes to feelings. Oh contraire, My Head! You know nothing about feelings! Ha!
Emily visually takes me on a walk in the park where she used to bring Max, one of their favorite places. The walk is slow, filled with memories of Max running ahead, fetching sticks, and the way his tail wagged when he was happy. I encourage Emily to speak about these memories, acknowledging the pain, and permission as well to celebrate the joy Max brought into her life. I also tell her if she’s not ready to “celebrate” yet, then it’s not time to do that! (So many times I have to tell people our North American culture is quick to jump to “celebrating” believing feeling sad is bad. Seriously, that’s a bunch of BS. Huge BS! Shed those damn tears… our sweet precious animals deserve every one of them.) This shared walk becomes a metaphor for her journey through grief—one step at a time, with support by her side.
By the end of our time together, Emily seems a little lighter, her burden slightly eased. She’s not “over it,” by any means. However, if I can do my part in leaning in and creating a healing space for all the Emily’s in the world, that’s my role. To validate, to give permission, to support, to hold feelings sacred… it’s truly an honor to sit in this seat.
Grief is not something that can be fixed or hurried, but with the power of support, it becomes a journey that doesn’t have to be walked alone. As a pet loss companion, I am honored and oh-so-grateful to be called upon to walk this path with those like Emily, helping them find solace in their memories and strength in their grief.
It’s also an honor to hear from others who, too, want to sit in this same seat of walking with those whose hearts have been shattered due to the death of a precious animal. It truly takes a village, and we are all in this together. I’m so grateful for every aspect of my educational journey to learn more about pet loss and grief counseling/companioning and participating in every certification program I can get my hands on. After all, I want to be at my best for all the Emily’s in the world, for that’s what THEY deserve.