It was the day after Easter, 2003. It had been a long 8 months for my little terrier-schnauzer mix, my little baby girl, Mico. The ugliness of the lung cancer had taken its toll on her little body – and was eating away at her very existence. Nevertheless, in true form to her feistiness and spirit – she held onto that fight until the very last minute,…
As she lie on the operating table, in an instant I was taken back 14 years to that day at the Humane Society in Wichita, Kansas. I had just moved into my first home as a “big girl” and was ready to populate it with a furry little child! Growing up with pets – I knew that no home was complete without animals. Mom made sure that we had our fair share of fur love; from the minute I could even remember – there had been a slew of beautiful creatures through our doors. Blackie, Buddy, Snobal, Sparky, Frisky 1, Frisky 2, Frisky 3 (we couldn´t seem to get creative on the cat´s names!), Fred,… oh, the list goes on and on.
Anyway – back to the Humane Society. I walked in that door on that beautiful Sunday afternoon in 1989 – and there she was! All two pounds of her, sharing a fish aquarium with a not-so-feisty-and-very-scared baby Doberman. It was clear that she to be the spokesperson for both of them – and she was doing her job VERY well! She wanted – no demanded – attention, and she was going to get it!
Oh, my stars! Immediately I fell in love! Head over heels in love! I am still not sure if I gave her my heart – or if she just stole it,… but it was all hers!
She came home and immediately ruled the house. It was all hers. But what was even more interesting was how she commanded a presence wherever she went. She walked into life – into each situation – as if it was already hers. In all actuality – she never really walked into anything. She ran! She never wanted to just “be” in life – she wanted to “be a part of it.” It was as if every circumstance was a beautiful adventure, just waiting for her. She would look at each encounter as if it were the most incredible event – and one that held such wonder. Her eyes always seemed to say “Mommy – look what at this beautiful thing called life that we are sharing in together.” Whether it was the surroundings or the new friends she was about to meet – it was all so magnificent! Her confidence, lack of fear, and shear excitability was all so much fun to watch.
Internally – I knew that she was teaching me a lesson as well.
Life is beautiful – look at every event with wonder!
Everywhere you go – there are people who want to be a friend!
Don´t just “be” in life – “be a part of it.”
Life was so exciting with her – and for her. She loved everything – and everyone. We understood each other and spoke to each other from our hearts. I was in hers and she was in mine.
In a minute – I´m back in that operating room. The doctor has summoned me to come in and say “good-bye” to her as it´s clear that she will not be waking up from this surgery. How do you sum up 14 years in just a few minutes before they start removing the machines?
How do I tell her what she´s meant to me?
How do I thank her for what she´s done for me?
How do I let her know that I will ALWAYS love her – with all of my heart – the heart that she´s stolen? How?
“I love you” seemed so small – but that´s all I could say. Over and over and over again. I was just hoping that it summed it all up for her too.And, in a minute – it was over. My precious little girl was gone.With that, we had to move forward with the final arrangements for her precious little body. Unfortunately – the options presented to us were not of the caliber that I wanted for my special little girl. Now, not only was I having to deal with the death of my “baby” but I was being put in a position to hear of death care options that were so disrespectful and lacking dignity that I thought my heart would break into a million pieces. She deserved so much more in this area of finality. Not to be treated like an animal – but like the special little family member that she was.Reluctantly, we finally moved forward with her final arrangements. Arrangements that lacked what she deserved. It was then that I made a vow that no Pet Parent like me would be caught in such turmoil with their beloved little furry kids.Mico, my vow to you is this. As Founder of Two Hearts Pet Loss Center, I will be here in a variety of ways to educate, guide and journey with people through this wilderness of pet death care and grief. I will make sure that it is a journey of companioning for those that need it – and a journey of wonderment for those that are searching. Yes, Mico – those seemed to be the lessons that we learned together that would be passed on.And, one last thank you. For being my pet angel and for crawling into my heart – here at Two Hearts. I gave mine to you years ago and I know that I was in yours. Thank you, for helping me – help them. You will forever be My Little Baby Girl.