It was such an interesting week at Dr. Wolfelt’s Center for Loss.
I love taking time to learn, to grow and to enhance my personal and professional development skills. This course, Becoming a Grief Educator, was certainly right up my alley and in my wheelhouse! It was an amazing course.
The week proved to have more than education on how to be a good grief (did you see what I did there… “good grief!” Who doesn’t need a bit of Snoopy to start their day!) educator. As with all of the sessions I’ve been to at Alan’s place, not only do I learn from him, but I learn from the other attendees. It’s been almost 11 years since I’ve taken the time to attend a class at the Center. I guess if I had to send COVID a thank you, it would be for the time to do THIS!
There was something I was reminded of in spades with this class: the messiness of grief. The messiness of grief. I don’t think there’s any better word to describe this process than messy. It is just that.
Last night I took some time to reflect on this word, and it just seemed worthy to journal some of my interpretation of this description. It’s so true. Grief: We want it to be logical and prescriptive, linear and with plausible stages, describable and understandable. But it’s not. It’s so messy.
We want to have our head tell us what’s happening and to speak soft and understanding truth to us versus negative self-speak as to WHY we shouldn’t be having these feelings and thoughts. We want our head to actually allow our heart the permission to feel the way it really, truly wants to feel. We want our head to not argue with our heart on what’s happening with our being. We want our head to align with our heart, instead of fighting internally on the describable and indescribable feelings and emotions. While the feels the rest of the world “just doesn’t understand” or “it’s just a dog/cat,” we just want our own self to support our own self.
But alas it happens the way it happens. It’s all messy. Just plain freaking messy.
I just wanted you to know that today. Know it will be messy, know it’s not a beautiful straight line, but a bundled mess of stuff. You know, messy.
Today´s technology makes it so much easier to secure “memories!” As I look back on the life that I shared with Mico – I am so grateful for the photos! But, I miss the fact that I did not have an imprint of her little nose. Did you know that an animal´s nose print is like our thumb print? All noses are unique and depict the individuality of each pet! Gosh, how many times did that cold little nose nudge me – to be held, to be petted, to be comforted,…. And, how about a video? One that not only shows your pet in action but one where you can catch that darling little bark? Or that persistent little meow! Or the fact that when Mico was feisty and wanted something, and certainly to get my attention, the barks came in a series of three! Everytime – without fail!
Yes, in her death, I am thankful that I have the memories. And, almost seven years later, I can close my eyes and still hear those three little barks. But to have had those recorded forever and ever, oh my,…
Yes, Mike The Dog, Ellie Mae, Crisco, and Rudy – that is exactly why Mommy follows you everywhere, recording all that I can! I will have THAT forever,..
With the New Year, my grief journey continues,….
Dear Father, as I look up, I see Baby New Year staring directly at me. With the New Year, I am reminded that another year is approaching, taking me further away from that day in April, 2002, and the loss of Mico, my precious little pet. My mind knows that it has been almost 7 years but my heart says that it feels like only yesterday. Yesterday because I can still so vividly remember those last days, hours, minutes and seconds as I saw a love in my life slip away. I know that she´s in your hands, Dear Father, and is enjoying her life in heaven. Hold her tight in your love. Give me strength as I still feel her love and miss seeing her daily. In Your Name, I pray,… Amen.
I am so thankful for their love,…. To all of you- I trust your holiday season is blessed. For me – I am so thankful for the love of my babies. Their unconditional love is full of lessons on forgiveness and love. Thank you, My Creator, for these lessons and, moreso, for all of my furry children. THEY do make me a better person so that I might serve you better. Thank you Mike the Dog, Ellie Mae, Crisco and Rudy for all you give to me.
When we are so connected to our pets – I just know that they stay with us! My Baby Girl! I have loved her since the first time that I laid eyes on her in May of 1989! We had a wonderful journey together – for 14 years. Fourteen years of unconditional love – me for her in that I would do ANYTHING for her – and her for me – in doing what dog´s only know how to do and that is to please! Oh my goodness! She was My Love and my world! She´s been gone almost 6 1/2 years. It seems like only yesterday on one hand – and then on the other it was a lifetime ago. But, there is one thing that I do know for sure. She is still with me,… Lately, it´s how I explain the “walking-pressure” sensation that I feel on the bed at night. Clearly, someone or something is on my bed – walking around. At first, I thought it was one of the other babies, moving around to get more comfortable. However, when I put my hand down to make sure they were okay, there was no one there. But the pressure on the bed continued. Yep, she´s still with me. And, now with the addition of Rudy The Cat – she is completely intrigued by this new creature that´s joined the house. I doubt she´s happy with it – as she was not a cat “girl.” But, nonetheless – she makes herself known, probably to let me know that SHE, too, is still a part of the house and of the group. It´s so comforting to know that this Love is my angel – and is still coming around in spirit to make sure her Mommy knows that she loves me! Ah, the beauty of that unconditional love! Thanks, God, for my forever angel!
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