Old Man Winter

Old Man Winter

by | Apr 14, 2019

“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.” Yoko Ono

As we bid Old Man Winter “adios,” the innocence and freshness of Spring does seem to be lurking close by. This time of year that can truly represent the innocence and mystery of a desired change to replace the Winter’s dreary dark and cold with warmth and light. A powerful fist-pump for the strength needed to put one’s face to the sun and shout “let’s do this!”

It’s been an honor to walk with you and share in the love, and loss, of our precious pets. To share the journey only pet lovers know and “get.” I also hope I’ve brought to you a bit of light and love in honoring these amazing creatures when they die, and giving you permission to honor them, to celebrate them, and to grieve for them in the way that’s right for you.

RIP, Dear Lexi, RIP – Your Family Loves You So,…..

RIP, Dear Lexi, RIP – Your Family Loves You So,…..

by | Dec 27, 2017

On December 31, 2013 we lost Lexi our beloved 4 footed family member for 10 and 1/2 years. Lexi had a very fast acting cancer.

Lexi was a huge part of my boy’s life and even after my divorce spent special time with my x-husband, Mike.  She was a dear, shy, wonderful friend to all of and will be dearly missed…

I think of Lexi as a puppy, so small she could curl up in a laundry basket, her little nose peeking out of her special blanket. Or the look on my son Josh’s (now 23) face when Mike surprised Josh at Kung Fu practice with little Lexi. Now at 79 pounds (Lexi had lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks because of the cancer) Lexi was family and we were heart sick when the results of her ultra sound showed her liver, spleen and major blood vessels were stricken. Lexi had only a few days before the internal bleeding would take over. We had to make some make some major decisions that would make things as easy and stress free for Lexi as possible…

I had recently read about an organization, “Home to Heaven” and felt their ability to have a veterinarian come to our home was the way to go. I also felt that the ability to say goodbye to Lexi in her home where she would be surrounded by those that loved her was a much better option than going into the animal hospital. Plus Lexi was not fond of going to the veterinarian and I didn’t want her final memories to be stressful. My boys were behind me and Mike agreed this would be the best for Lexi.

We proceeded to set up an appointment with Home to Heaven for Thursday, January 2. The staff at Home to Heaven were wonderful and reminded me that if for any reason Lexi was getting worse and we were worried about her being in pain they could come to our home sooner.

Everything happened so fast. The results of Lexi’s ultra sound came back on a Monday and by Tuesday morning Lexi was having trouble breathing and had a very swollen belly (which indicated internal bleeding). I called Home to Heaven and they scheduled Dr.  Becky Flemer to come out at 2:00 that afternoon.

As all of us (Mike, Josh, Brandon and his girlfriend Macy) waited for Dr. Flemer we gave Lexi lots of attention and one of her favorite treats. We told stories of Lexi and all the special moments from the last 10 and 1/2 years.  All of us were dreading having to face losing Lexi and I have to admit I was worried that it would be stressful or even painful for her.

When Dr. Flemer (Becky) arrived she put all of us at ease. She had a wonderful calm energy and Lexi (normally shy) went right up to her.

Becky went over everything that would happen. First she would give Lexi (just under the skin) a sedative that would put her into a deep sleep. While Lexi was in a deep sleep and when we were ready Becky would administer the drug that would stop Lexi’s heart. Becky also talked about some of the things we might see after the drug was administered such as an increase in heart rate and emptying of the bowels. Though, as Becky also said Lexi would not feel these things…

When we were ready we had Lexi lay on our living room floor surrounded by all of us. Lexi was calm.  When we were ready Becky gave Lexi the sleeping medication. Lexi didn’t even feel it. Within 10 minutes Lexi was sound asleep…

When we were ready Becky administered the drug that would stop Lexi’s heart.  As Becky was doing this I said the Shem’a, thanked Lexi for the years of love and joy she had given us, that we loved her and would missed her and asked that her soul pass peacefully…

Through tears of sorrow we watched as our beloved Lexi passed. There was not an increase in heart rate and an emptying of her bowels. Lexi passed peacefully, spiritually and without pain…

We knew that our love for Lexi had given her this gift. A peaceful passing in her own home surrounded by the people that cared and loved her…

As sad as all of this was this ritual around Lexi’s passing was something of beauty. Everyone involved knew we had done the right thing in a truly loving way…

A process that left me feeling really good about what we had done and how we had done it. I knew that Lexi’s spirit had gently passed on and “she was home”…

Rest In Peace Dear Lexi…

We Love You And Miss You…

It´s Your Responsibility to Educate The Pet Parents

by | Nov 7, 2011

It´s your responsibility to educate!
Once again, I heard another sad voice say “I didn´t know that there were unethical pet loss services out there – and now I find out that one of those businesses is who took care of my beloved dog.” It just breaks my heart when a precious pet dies and the pet parent does not know what their options are to honor the life that was shared.
However, I can´t shame the pet parents that say that. I, too, was one of those pet parents. I shame myself because I had been in the industry for 18 years when my dog died. I was in the preneed industry, spending time educating people on the benefits of planning ahead and I did not heed my own advice. When she died I didn´t know what my options were.
Nor did I know that not all pet cremation services were created equal. Luckily I found a place that had an “open door” policy and I met the person who I handed her precious body to. While the process in its entirety was not as it should have been, I, at least, knew that her cremation was handled properly and in the manner that I requested.
So while many “caregivers” will fight the very thought of being a sales person – and say that it feels “too weird” to sell their pet loss services – I encourage you to look at this differently. While it may feel like selling, we as a pet loss profession need to understand that it´s our responsibility to get our educational information to the public so that our services are easy for a pet parent to find. And, our services have enough information to educate a pet parent on the right pet loss practices that will provide the right amount of support and experiential services that a family will want.
Furthermore, it´s also our responsibility as pet loss professionals to guide our veterinary partners on what the right processes are. As a pet loss professional running your business, it´s your business to run. It´s your business whose standard operating procedure is to get the correct paper work completed. It´s your business to educate the vet care professional on why it´s better for them to send the family to you to handle the pet´s death.
So, today – make a commitment. If you don´t feel comfortable calling it “selling” – then call it what you feel comfortable with,…. Educating. Providing information. Teaching. Training. Spreading the word. Call it something.
Because I call it “your responsibility.” Go forth!

How much is too much to spend on a pet funeral?

by | Jul 19, 2011

Make it be about what the pet parent wants and needs!
“How much is too much to spend on your pet´s funeral?”
Ah, yes, another article picked up by my Google Alert about pet funerals. Actually it was a blog that was exploring the question “How much is too much to spend on your pet´s funeral?”
I personally find these types of conversations absolutely astounding! In fact, almost uncomfortably embarrassing! After all, who on earth would think that it would be appropriate to tell another person what´s acceptable to spend on ANYTHING?
Furthermore, being a veteran of the funeral industry, it was never, ever in any of my training to learn how to guide a family on what´s acceptable to spend on their loved one´s final service. I never heard “If you loved Mom enough, you´d buy this casket” or “ that type of casket doesn´t really show how much you loved your husband, does it?” Rather it was about a service and the memorialization pieces that provided the most VALUE to the family in creating this final tribute. The VALUE of the services and memorialization pieces, right? There was nothing in this process that equated the amount of love to the amount of money spent. Quite the contrary – our goal was to provide a service where the value of the service delivered far outweighed any amount of money spent!
Furthermore, I have never heard people having a conversation about when to stop providing medical care to someone because of the expense of the care.
But, I find it almost amusing that people are forthright with these opinions when it comes to pets. For those that aren´t pet parents, there are opinions on what´s “acceptable” to spend on health care, on daily care, and ultimately on the final arrangements for the pet. And, the only time that scrutiny comes into play is when it´s “too much.” Whatever that number is – based on each person´s own opinion!
62% of our society has a pet. And, as a pet parent, I, as well as other pet parents, take pride in being a responsible pet parent. It´s what we sign up for when we take one of these furry creatures into our homes. It´s an option that we have that we knowingly and willingly commit to when we accept this role.
But, it´s a role that for the 38% of our population leaves us open to shame and criticism. When all we want to do is celebrate these little creatures when they are alive – and pay tribute to them when they die.
In a way that´s right for us! And, let me be the one to determine what´s the right amount to pay for this type of honor! It´s what I WANT to do!

Another birthday passed,..

by | Mar 21, 2011

While she died eight years ago, I still remember her birthday like it was yesterday.

Saturday, March 19th. A day that I will forever remember as “Mico´s birthday.” Oh yea,… I don´t know if that´s the exact date but through some simple math given what the Humane Society told me on her age when I adopted her, this seemed like the perfect day. For this perfect little puppy, it WAS the perfect day.
As this day rolls around every year, I get very melancholy as I remember when I “picked” that day. I had to pick it quickly because I had to put something on the “adoption” notices that I sent out! What else was more appropriate to announce this new love in my life than an announcement! So, I picked the date, sent the announcement – and our journey began!
Now, some many years later – I still celebrate the beginning of “her” and the journey that we would embark upon together. The journey not only during her lifetime but what she meant in the mission of my lifetime work. But, all in all, it was what I learned from her,..
* I learned not to be afraid – everything needed to be “sniffed” out before a judgment could be made.
* Life is an adventure – let´s pack a bag and go enjoy it.
* People are good – even though they start out as strangers it´s only a matter of time before love blooms.
* And, most importantly, unconditional love and forgiveness.
Today, Mico – I celebrate you. I celebrate the life that we shared together. I celebrate a life that changed mine. Forever.
Happy Birthday, Baby Girl.

At the holidays, help them remember,…

by | Dec 13, 2010

The holidays are hard,… how are you helping your families?

The holidays are upon us,.. and for those of us that are facing the first holiday season without a beloved pet, this beautiful season is also laced with sadness.  I´m one of those pet parents,… My precious Golden Retriever, Mike the Dog, died a few months ago and I am facing one of those “firsts.”  Our first holiday without Mike the Dog – the first holiday where I don´t get to buy the big special bone that he liked, or the box of treats that were special for “Big Dogs.”  Yes, one of those highly charged and emotional events in the “year of firsts.”
As a pet loss professional, this is a perfect time of year to be a companion to families that are wanting an outlet to “remember” their special pet at this time of year.  A time when they are remembering and want to pay tribute to this life that was shared.  It´s the perfect time of year as a companion to:

Host a holiday ceremony to honor the pets
Provide a holiday ornament for families – have them come by your Pet Memorial Center to retrieve their ornament and share in a cup of hot tea with you.
Provide an opportunity for families to come by your Pet Memorial Center to light a candle in honor of their pet.
Have an open house for families – to come and support others that have experienced the loss of their pets too.
Send a card to families – to let them know you are thinking of them at this time if they need some extra support.

Be a companion to your families during the holidays.  Families WANT to honor their pets – give them the outlet to do this.