The Second Most Memorable Day For A Pet Parent

by | Jul 16, 2009

The Second Most Memorable Day For A Pet Parent

As I sat in the sun last evening, enjoying the beauty of the night and the warm light breeze, I glanced down to see my big Golden Retriever, Mike The Dog, also basking in our Maker´s greatness. With Secret Garden softly playing in the background, I looked at his peaceful big white face and it hit me.

According to the story, “A Living Legend,” there are three days in a pet parent´s life that you will always remember. The first is the day that your precious little furry friend came home! The joy of a new life together! The fun in seeing them adapt to their new family! The realization that, either again or for the first time in your life – your heart was about to be surrendered and stolen and you would know and feel the meaning of the words “unconditional love.” Oh – the joy!

Then the second most memorable day comes. That second day, while I have known that it has been lurking on the sidelines for quite some time due to the gradual change in routine with the addition of vitamins, “senior” supplements, and additional “senior” care, hit me hard last night as I watched this big-love of a Golden-bear sleeping. It is the day where, as a Pet Parent, you finally see “old.” His big white face. That big sweet old white face. There it is. Staring me in the face. A gentle reminder that seemed to say, “Love me today – for I don´t know how much longer I have here in this earthly existence.”

God knows, today I have been different because of yesterday, the day that the second most memorable day showed up. Time is so precious. Time is so short. I will not allow one minute passing without Mike The Dog knowing that I love him.

With all of my heart.

As I know that third most memorable day is not far off.

How To Be A Companion To A Grieving Heart

by | Jun 15, 2009

Do you sometimes wonder what you can do to help someone who´s grieving? I can help you with that question,…

How to be A Companion to a grieving person

As I do daily, I am companioning a wonderful person through the death of their beloved little furry friend.  A truly dark time for this person who loved their little doggie with all of their heart – a heart that is now broken into a million pieces.

As a companion, it is such an honor to be here for this journey.  A journey that will go through darkness before we can get to the light.  My role is to just be here and to be guided by the grieving heart.  A role that sometimes can be so hard as it´s human nature to want to “fix” what´s hurt.  However, I cannot be the one to own this grief.  I am not here to be “responsible for” the grief journey but to merely be “responsible to” the mourning soul.

Do you wonder how to help someone who is hurting through the loss of a pet?  Here are some thoughts and suggestions for you on how to be a companion:

*  Just “be” with the person who is grieving – you have been given a truly trusted position of unconditionally loving the mourning heart and just “being” there.  Not necessarily talking to fill the silence – but just “being” there.  Silence – by the way – PRICELESS!
*  Do not fix anything – actively listen, unconditionally love, be patient, and do not try to make anything better.
*  When a question is asked – it is merely to find some meaning in the event that has happened.  A question does not mean that it is entitled to an answer.  Revel in the mystery.
*  Allow the grieving soul to search for that meaning – including the spiritual and religious aspect.  Again, answers are not what the hurting heart wants.
*  Lastly – the biggest piece of advice that I can share with you – HONOR THE STORY with the grieving heart.  Honor the story of this beautiful little creature that has died and let your friend tell that story, again and again and again.  In addition, your role will be to listen – again and again and again.  When they want to tell the stories again, you need to unconditionally love your friend/family member enough to hear those stories another time.  A grieving heart wants to tell the stories; it allows the deceased to live on.

Be a companion.  It truly is an honored role.

 

Will I Ever Get Over The Death of My Pet?

by | Jun 12, 2009

Will I Ever Get Over The Death of My Pet?

This big question is “will I get OVER the death of my pet?”

The smaller component that drives this question is those days when something, who knows what, hits me and all of a sudden, I am crying again over Mico just like that fateful day on April 21, 2003.  In addition, while I do not wonder about that question of “when I´ll get over this,” – others around me are truly the parties that want to know the answer to this.  “Why must she continue to cry?  She is not over the death of this dog yet. There is clearly a problem.”

Yea, I am not “over” it.  Oh my stars do I miss that little girl!  I, personally, am very good with knowing that I will NEVER “get over” the loss of her.  She was a major part of my life – a being that will forever affect me in so many aspects of my day-to-day world.  She taught me things that no two-legged human being could ever even begin to understand, much less teach.

Get over her death?  No – I will continue to get through it – just as I get through every beautiful day.  That is what life is about – taking what we have learned from a relationship, using those lessons within our being, and being a better person because of those nuggets.

Don´t ever tell yourself that you need to “get over” the death of a loved one.  Get through it – that´s all we are wired to do.  Get through it – figure out what you learned from the relationship – use those lessons – and the memories will live on.

Aahhh,… and, really, there´s nothing wrong with a good cleansing cry.  My little girl deserves every tear!

When will my heart let me adopt another pet?

by | Jun 10, 2009

When will my heart let me adopt another pet?

When someone experiences the death of a pet, the first question that well-meaning friends and family members will ask is “when are you getting another pet?”  You may possibly be asking yourself this question, too.  However there is some work that needs to be done before you are even in an emotional state to be ready to address this.

The question of “when will you be getting another pet” is really second behind another issue that needs to be addressed.  “Have you done your mourning  work first?”

Definitely the first step to be addressed with your heart is the “mourning work” that will move you into your new normal regarding the pet that died.  In our grief work, we first need to recognize that the word “grief” is actually our inward thoughts with the loss of a loved one.  “Mourning” is our outward thoughts – the actions that are done to move us through to Grief Resolution.

My first recommendation would be for you to actively mourn the loss of your pet that died six months ago.  The Six Needs of Mourning The Death of a Pet can best be summed up with the acronym “AARFFF.”  These needs are:

Acknowledge the reality of the death.
Allow yourself to be dosed with the reality that this death has occurred – bring yourself to the acknowledgement in your own time frame through “active mourning.”
Allow yourself to hurt.
Hurting will allow you to heal.
Remember your pet.
Memorialize your pet in the manner that best represents the lifestyle that you and your pet shared together.  A simple walk in the park, the planting of a tree or flower, lighting a candle, journaling, or even a memorial service to honor the life that you shared together are all good ways to remember and pay tribute to this love in your life.
Find your new role (responsibilities) in a life without this pet.
Through actively mourning, you will move to a new “normal” in a life without this pet.
Fact and feeling finding for your heart.
Let your heart guide you through this journey.  Your head will try to rationalize your feelings but your heart will let you feel, and hurt, your way to healing.
Find your friends for support – those friends that will empathize with your loss and understand loving a pet.
Bring those that understand the love of a pet close to you for support.  For those that don´t understand this love, you will need to temporarily tuck that relationship away until you heal.

When your mourning work is done, your heart will be ready to love and adopt again.  Your heart will know when that time has come.

Faith Versus Reason – Do Pets Go To Heaven?

by | Jun 2, 2009

Faith Versus Reason – Do Pets Go To Heaven?

Do you think that those two words, faith and reason, are a paradox?  To me, they can be.

As you look at faith, and in particular, the faith in saying that one day I will see my beloved Mico again, “reason” can´t play a part of that discussion that goes on in my head – and occasionally with friends.  So many people have tried to reason with me in saying that animals do not have souls – therefore they cannot go to heaven.  Others have told me that they KNOW for sure that animals do not go to heaven because of the way that they have interpreted the Bible and its teachings.

They “reason” that there could be no way that anything else, other than human beings, can enter into heaven.  Reasoning means that our head has been able to prove – or to disprove – a theory.  Topics that can be “reasoned” can be touched, felt and seen.

Therefore, reason and faith cannot work together for me in this topic.  With faith being the believing in things that are yet to come – my faith does tell me that animals are too spiritual to not realize the same rewards that we as humans do in heaven.  For me – having faith tells me that there is a reward waiting at the end of this earthly existence that says I will see those little furry friends who brought to me unconditional love and trust – and were such a large part of my life.  I revel in the fact that my world has to have some things that cannot be seen, felt, or touched.  My heart needs to know that there are some things that “just are.”

Some call it denial.  Others call it not reasonable.

For me, it is having faith.